Lost

Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing out on something? That maybe you're more removed than you thought and suddenly, you don't fit in anywhere?

I no longer attend high school, so I know nothing of what goes on there. All my friends I graduated with have all moved on to new schools where they've made new friends, gotten boyfriends, engaged, married, etc. Some of them are still in school, others have returned home to visit family, and even others stayed on campus to work for school in the fall. My family has lived 9 months without me and done so many new things that I have trouble keeping up with it all.

I sort of don't feel like I belong anywhere, and I spend most of my time idly playing video games or hanging out on the internet, where I once again don't feel like I fit. My creative skills have been lacking immensely in the past few months and now I no longer have the motivation to continue any of them. I don't have money to spare to go out and do things, and I'm a coward, so asking others to go places with me is beyond my limits.

I'm sure this is just a phase, but it's something that's been bothering me the past few weeks. It's almost as though everything's just out of my reach. The pathway is there, I just can't see it, so I am lost. Yeah.

That sounds a lot more depressing than I intended, but it's something I needed to get out. Fear not, I'm not suicidal, just contemplative.

Happy Friday, everyone!

I Can't Take This Feeling Anymore

No, that is not a reference to the song since I don't know that song very well.

Anyway, that's beside the point. Today I feel I must comment on the idea of senioritis. No matter the age, no matter the grade, no matter the year, anyone can get it. As the school year comes to an end, most students beg for it to be over. One doesn't have to be a senior to get senioritis, which is what I'm learning right now.

It's a painful process, coming to terms with this idea. Unfortunately, I'm not quite done with it yet--I won't be done with senioritis until school's officially out for the summer.

One of the things I really hate about this knowledge is the fact that I'm a college student at BYU. Of course the classes are going to be harder--that's inescapable. However, the degree to which I want to be done frightens me a little. I had every right to feel this way in high school. But now, I feel I should have more enthusiasm. Which I do. I guess it's just because the classes are so much harder that I just can't wait to be done. Not to mention, generals are almost ever fun for me.

But anway, my whole point is that I'm stuck in this black hole of senioritis and it is not fun.

To fellow BYU students, two and a half more weeks. To BYU-I students, you're halfway there; just keep going! To other college students, you're really close to the end of your first year; you can make it! To high school students, you only have a month and a half left; just keep breathing. To school-less adults, lucky you.

Happy Wednesday!

The Art of Doing Nothing

When one's brain leaves them with sanity trailing them to go off and join a muse that's been missing for six months, only a shell of a person is left behind. This person becomes very skilled in the art of doing nothing. It is nearly impossible for such a person to do anything useful and their determination and desire to get homework done vanishes into the fading winds.

This state causes plenty of problems for the one involved. How can you possibly get all your reading and assignments done if you don't have a brain by which to motvate yourself to do so?

As a victim of such a virus as this, I have found it difficult to want to do anything. I spend lots of time sitting and staring at the wall. It can be a fun passtime, but not when you know you need to be doing something worthwhile, such as homework.

Regardless, relocating your muse, brain, and sanity is hard work, and thus far, my attempts have proved futile. I have absolutely no idea where they could've gone. This leaves me with a large dilemma--with all my difficult homework and set of exams on the horizon, how can I possibly move forward and be a useful human being?

If you have found yourself in this situation too, please don't hesitate to inform me of how you cope. It would be good to accumulate some ideas in order to help me further my schoolwork and hopefully not fail any of my classes.

A lovely Wednesday to you all!

My Venture into Talented Ballet

Today I had the opportunity to go to BYU's performance of The Snow Queen with my good friends Rachel and Kristin.

To give you a little bit of background before I continue, I've only ever seen one other ballet performance and it was on a community level, so it wasn't nearly as professional as BYU's presentation. Although I love music and dance, and wanted to be a ballerina when I was little, I'm not a huge fan.

That being said, The Snow Queen was absolutely amazing. The outfits were creative, imaginative, and accentuating; the skill level of the dancers exceeded my expectations; and the music was phenomenol. But most of all, the scenery, props, background, backdrop, setting, all that good stuff, was only slightly less than perfect (since it's impossible to be perfect in this life). The ornate detail, the simple decoration, and the glorious beauty completed the picture the performers tried to create, and they accomplished this with fireworks in my heart. I'm very impressed.

And that's all I have for today, short though it may be.

Dance and All That Jazz

Friday January 27, 2011.
The lights dimmed. Chatter died. A black and white glow flickered on from the back of the auditorium. A jungle crept in from the corners. The crowd sat silently with eyes riveted on the orange-clad group pushing a giant wheel onto the stage. The music pounded through a crescendo. The stage burst into a flurry of action.

And what you see, dearest readers, is the beginning of my Friday night adventure. My good friend Kristin invited me to get tickets with her to go see this show, and it was phenomenol.

We started out with a handful of contemporary dance pieces, like one of Tooele High's Dance Company performances, but with lots more guys and more couple dancing, but contemporary style. Then they had a 10-minute intermission. That's where it really picked up.

The curtains rose, and there sat Synthesis.

That's right guys. BYU's Jazz Band.

They blew me away. They had flutes. Flutes!! And a clarinet. The instructor played very nice solos on both of them. And the guitar and base, lovely solos. The pianist was phenomenol.

Although the flute and clarinet solos are dearest to my heart, I must say that the trumpets . . .

I can't even say it. Oh my gosh. Such gorgeous high notes. It was like angels singing. Clear. Pure. Beautiful. High. It was fantastic.

And what made it even better was having the dancers dance to the jazz band playing. It was incredible. Undescribable. You just had to be there.

One of the alto saxophone soloists made such unbelievable sounds that I have never heard in a high school jazz band. I was hanging on the edge of my seat with my jaw on the floor.

As a treat in the midst of all this, the dancers did a tap show for us, and it was hilarious. Very good, and very talented, but hilarious.

So yeah. That was my Friday night that I should've blogged about on Saturday, but totally wasn't even thinking about it. So I share this exciting news with you now before I move on to my Japanese homework. As they say in Japan, ja ne!

The Spirit of God . . .

. . . Like a Fire is Burning.

Today has been an eventful day. I've had my tears, smiles, laughs, rants, and who knows what else. My brain also hasn't quite caught up with my fingers, though, which is why the jump from my title to my opening paragraph is skewed.

To remedy that, I'll explain. I won't go into detail, but let's just say this past week has been rather rough. What has saved my heart from the ultimate breaking is knowing that no matter what, my Father in Heaven, Savior Jesus Christ, and their companion, the Holy Ghost, are always with me. I'm not perfect, and shall never attain such a status in this life. As long as I'm working toward it and follow God's commandments, I will be saved. I know He's proud of who I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going. I know He'll never abandon me, He'll never leave me alone, and He'll always lead me in the right direction. He leads me to my blessed family and beloved friends who look out for me.

I am grateful for the burning in my bosom that indicates His spirit is near. I never want it to leave me.

Musical Tendencies of a Child-Turned Musician

Alright, as per request of echo.of.alto, I am here to share with you the story behind my flute and piccolo.

I suppose to get this right, I should start from the beginning. My mom, beautiful singer and talented pianist that she is, wanted my younger sister and I to learn to play a musical instrument. We both started on piano at a very young age. Unlike my sister, however, I did not continue it.

At the tender age of 11, my mother warned me that when I got into Jr. High, she wanted me to join the band. As luck would have it, my neighbor, Karen Hoover, happened to play the flute. Due to a children's musical instrument game my siblings and I would play for fun, I decided that this silver instrument was the one I wanted to cultivate skill in.

The rest is history, I suppose. I started up lessons with Karen, and subsequently quit piano while I was at it. I got into Jr. High and joined the band where my talent in playing the flute grew. I continued with it in high school, though I quit my sophomore year.

My junior year of high school, a good friend of mine suggested that I should learn piccolo. Why she suggested it, I still don't know, but I will forever be eternally grateful to her for the comment. She lent me her piccolo for parade marching the next summer and I fell in love with the instrument. I spent my entire senior year pleading with my parents for one, and luckily enough, got one as a graduation gift.

That's pretty much it. It's a rather simple story, really. But I guess I should mention that I've always loved the mellow, sweet sound that comes from a flute. My passion for high singing (I am a first soprano after all) fed the fire of desire in my ventures with the flute, and eventually led me to the piccolo. I cherish both instruments, though since my flute is rather old, it doesn't sound nearly as good as it once did.

What really makes me laugh now is that I've gone back and am relearning the piano on my own--and it's hard. I'll just have to keep trying!

The Beginning of an Adventure

This is it. The beginning. I fought it off for a long time but found I can no longer do so. Blogging has gripped me with an iron hand and is not willing to release me anytime soon.

I honestly don't know what to do with a blog, which is why I held off getting one for so long. But the time has come for me to man up (or woman up, I suppose). However, my knowledge is limited and although creative at times, my mind lacks the amazing analysis qualities that accompany many I see with blogs.

Until I can officially stand up on my own two feet, I would ask anyone who happens upon this blog or follows it (for whatever reasons you deem most important) to please shout out some topics. That way, I can use my poor creative muscle that has grown way too lax in recent years.